When stuck in a cycle of rumination, how do we find an exit ramp? Sometimes I get really stuck in my thoughts. I, like many people, have a tendency to trap myself in little emotional spin cycles that feel as long to end as if I were standing in front of the washing machine willing it to finish spinning already.
Knowing that I’m not alone, I ask the question on behalf of us all: How the heck do we manage to just chill out once in a while instead of letting things get to us? Where is the peace? And why isn’t it available on demand?
Those of us who make a point to study spiritual practices have a tendency to get even more frustrated with ourselves, thinking we should be better at this kind of thing than we are. But added perspective doesn’t always mean added results.
It’s a source of frustration for me because when something gets under my skin, I have a tendency to talk to myself a lot. I continually refine my arguments against the person who miffed me. Out loud. I do it for several sentences before I realize I’m doing it and I’ve always wondered just how many people out there have seen me talking to myself.
If I’m going to be dispensing advice here on how to achieve an exit ramp, I have to recognize that I’m asking this advice for myself as well. And that it will be just as difficult for me to follow as anyone else.
The first bit of armchair advice that pops into my head is that if we want to change our feelings, we need to change our thoughts, which is very easy to say at this moment when I’m not actively making mashed potatoes in my head. I have a suspicion, however, that the advice is true nonetheless.
I’m sure there are all kinds of suggestions about how to constantly remind ourselves that we are responsible for the thoughts we’re having. From yellow sticky paper to strings on fingers, and even apps on our phones, there are a myriad of ways to give ourselves a reminder.
Is good advice still good advice even if those who try to give it are bad at following it? Every medical professional I know is very challenged when being asked to follow the same medical advice for themselves that they to give others. Religious professionals are no different.
Another idea which comes to me is about building resilience in the first place. And this I manage to actually do on occasion. I go to the woods. I find other ways to spend time alone and recharge. I have always liked my reflective time, so it’s easy for me to not forget it.
But clearly, building resilience isn’t quite enough or else I wouldn’t ruminate so much, right? I suppose I can hear an answer that says, “But how do you know it wouldn’t be worse if not for your time spent in nature?” Since that’s impossible to know, I will optimistically assume it to be the case.
My husband has an excellent tactic that has actually changed how his brain is wired around a subject.
He used to have pronounced road rage. Not to the point of physical altercation, but definitely on the level of screaming and colorful gesticulations.
A therapist once suggested to him that he humble and ground himself away from his reflexive rage thinking by subtly asking himself: “Who do you think you are anyway?” At that point, he flashes back to the old Imperial margarine commercials from decades ago where just tasting their product would make you feel like a crowned emperor. The thought of a crown popping onto his head and scepter into his hand along with the little trumpet fanfare which accompanied it would make him laugh. It changed his mind, literally.
He never feels road rage now. He found an exit ramp.
So it’s definitely possible. Some have managed to crack the code. Jamie (husband) can’t be the only one.
Are there other exit ramps out there for us that manage to do these both at the same time? Is that the real way out?
Try considering mental tricks that accomplish both the building of resilience (meaning actually rewire your brain through regular new ways of thinking) and calming ourselves down at the same time.
If anything, spend more time thinking. Let thoughts just come to you. But as Confucius said, “If you do not change the direction in which you are going, you will end up where you are headed.”
Wil Darcangelo, M.Div, is the minister at the First Parish UU Church of Fitchburg and of the First Church of Christ, Unitarian in Lancaster, and producer of The UU Virtual Church of Fitchburg and Lancaster on YouTube. Email wildarcangelo@gmail.com. Follow him on Twitter @wildarcangelo. His blog, Hopeful Thinking, can be found at https://ift.tt/2J5igoD.
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Hopeful thinking: Tips for finding your exit ramp when thinking too much - Lowell Sun
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